Grace in Mommyhood

Today, I snapped at Buddy in the library...for reacting like a four year old.  The public library is where two of Buddy's favorite things collide:  time with his best friend and story time.  Is it any wonder he didn't want to leave? 

Buddy throwing a minor tantrum at the idea of leaving, set me on edge.  Buddy making Sweetpea cry because he is being bossy about leaving, set me further on edge.  Then as I am collecting our large stack of newly checked out books, Buddy whining and demanding my attention, my patience snaps. 

Immediately the self-recriminating thoughts set in.  We head home.  Looking back in the rear view mirror to see little hazel green eyes sadly staring out the back seat window made those awful thoughts grow.

"Why can't you be a more patient mom?" 
"He is just a four year old...way to show patience by example."
"Didn't you just say to yourself yesterday that you wanted to live Christ's love to your children?"
"You are a failure as mom...again."

Dwelling on these thoughts throughout lunch and nap time, made for a long few hours.  Then Buddy woke up from nap, and crawled up next to me.  He immediately cuddled in against me and I felt it anew. Grace.

Grace in the knowledge, that for some unknown reason, this four year old loves his mom.  Grace in the ability to move on and have a happy rest of the day.  So we do, we begin again and go past the point of frustration.  And face the afternoon and evening with happy hearts.

Thank you Father God for grace!  For Your grace, when I mess up and fail over and over, is infinitely greater than Buddy's grace.  Thank you for allowing me to go through life as Mommy with a new sense of Your undeserved gift of grace.

Standing on the Promises

"Standing, standing,
standing on the promises of Christ my Savior;
standing, standing,
I'm standing on the promises of God." 

When I saw Sweetpea today, this is what popped in my head.  She is standing on our Illustrated Family Bible and I had to smile.

I hope you remember to stand on God's promises...but maybe not so literally!

A Much Needed Break

In order to be A more Faithful Mommy, I will be taking an indefinite break from blogging at this point.  I have enjoyed posting and sharing but feel like God is showing me other areas that need to come first.  Being the best mommy to Buddy, Sweetpea, and Ladybug, and the best wife to Jon has always been my goal and I'm going to take this time to focus on them.  Thanks for reading and I look forward to writing again soon when it is the right time!

Power of Prayer

When I posted Friday, March 2nd, I had no clue how much God was going to make me live that statement.  Sweetpea's stomach virus had been misdiagnosed and instead was actually a slight case of pneumonia.  Just what every mom wants to hear, their 2 year old has pneumonia and could pass it on to their 2 week old.  So when Ladybug began coughing Sunday night, we promptly rushed her to the doctor on Monday.  After lots of tests and chest x-rays, we learned that Ladybug had RSV. 
Because of Sweetpea's prematurity, I have read a lot about the seriousness of RSV, especially in infants, but since our doctor wanted to us to just watch her at home, I tried to relax.  Then Tuesday morning, I had three phone calls with the doctor's office and was instructed to take Ladybug as quickly as possible to the local ER to be admitted to a Children's Hospital in another town.  I called my parents as I began to pack a small overnight bag and had them begin praying and Jon let the office staff at church know and they were also praying.
At the ER, we learned that Ladybug's blood oxygen levels were low and they were concerned that she would stop breathing.  And then the shocker, the doctor who would be admitting us at the Children's hospital wanted Ladybug flown by helicopter to get her there quickly.  "A helicopter, for my 2 week old, because she is that sick!" was what went through my mind and then I realized that I would also be flying with her.  Which, to be honest, was actually quite a fun adventure had it not been for the reason we were flying.  (Talk about Mommy Guilt!  How do you admit you enjoyed the Medivac flight?)

Though people were praying all over the country, our stay began to be longer and longer waiting on Ladybug's oxygen levels to come up without supplemental oxygen.  Then came Friday night.  Jon had left to go home with Buddy and Sweetpea after a long day of Ladybug on oxygen and low oxygen saturation levels.  About 10:00 pm, her levels dipped again and the nurses had to increase the oxygen again.  I sat on the very uncomfortable cot and cried .  Cried because we were told we'd be in the hospital two days and we were going on five, cried because Ladybug's levels were low, and cried from sheer exhaustion and worry.

That point is when I could feel people praying the most and God gently reminded me to trust Him.  Trust Him with how long the stay would be, trust Him with Ladybug's oxygen levels, and trust Him that Buddy and Sweetpea would be okay too.  At midnight, the nurse discovered that the oxygen regulator wasn't working and after changing the regulator, she was able to lower the amount of oxygen that Ladybug was receiving.  After staying at 100% oxygen saturation on Saturday night, Ladybug was able to come home on Sunday afternoon. 
So to everyone who prayed for Ladybug, I am forever grateful!  I don't know why we've had to deal with these types of situations with Sweetpea and Ladybug but these have been huge life lessons in living out trust in God and the amazing power of prayer!

Happy Birthday Sweetpea!

Happy 2nd Birthday to my Sweetpea!  You are our little miracle!

Painting with Water

We have had nice weather off and on so I've been trying to let Buddy and Sweetpea have outside time.  One activity that was a huge hit was to "paint" our driveway with water.  They loved it!  And all it took was a few old paintbrushes and cups of water.  Buddy and Sweetpea were entertained for over an hour painting various pictures on our driveway.  After a bit to change things up, I had them draw with sidewalk chalk and trace over their drawings.  Here are a few pictures of their artwork!

 Sweetpea with a huge grin!

 Buddy drew "Larryboy"

This will definitely be a repeat activity in our house!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my Buddy!  I can't believe you are four years old today!  It is a joy to be your mommy and experience life with you each day!

Mommy Guilt

Currently, I have been wracked with a ton of Mommy guilt!  Since I am on lifting restrictions, I cannot pick up anything heavier than Ladybug.  Six weeks of recovery is a very long time and a very hard adjustment for Sweetpea.  To make matters worse, she came down with a stomach virus and wanted her Mommy to hold her and cuddle.  Sweetpea could sit next to me and rock but I could not put her to bed or hold her on my lap.  Even as my rational side argued, I was assuaged with guilt, tons and tons of Mommy guilt, for what I cannot do.
As the guilt threatens to overtake me and bring me way down, I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9.  "And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”"  This verse was one I would cling to the last few weeks of pregnancy when I felt like I could not go on any longer.  His Grace was sufficient to keep me humble when I would lose my patience with Buddy and Sweetpea.  And His Grace will be sufficient to allow me to work through this hard time in parenting and adjustment in our household. 
The weakness that I feel right now allows me to lean on His strength and trust that God has given me Buddy, Sweetpea, and Ladybug.  He knew that I would be parenting them and that I would be feeling this guilt.  His strength is given when mistakes are made, when tempers are lost, and when guilt threatens to drown out all reason.  There is grace in knowing that Sweetpea will not remember this time and grace in knowing that she will still love me as Mommy anyway.  Guilt cannot keep its hold on me when I repeat 2 Corinthians 12:9 to myself several times a day.  "My grace is sufficient for you."

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

Now that Ladybug is here, I have been re-reading one of my favorite books about babies. Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg with Melinda Blau was one of the two books that primarily shaped the way I established our routine with Buddy and Sweetpea.  And now that Ladybug is over a week old, I'll begin working on her routine as well.
One of my favorite sayings from this book is "Start as you mean to go on" which means to begin life with your child as you see life in the future.  Right now Ladybug is sleeping on top of us at night instead of in her bed but I know when she is older, I do not want to have her on my chest at night.  So our goal with her right now is to begin to work on her sleeping in her bed. 
Using acronyms like E.A.S.Y (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You) and S.L.O.W (Stop, Listen, Observe, What's Up), Tracy Hogg's principles are a breeze to follow and easy to understand even while lacking sleep!  The biggest thing that I appreciate is the development of a routine, not a schedule, but a routine of what to expect.  This not only helps the baby adjust to their new life but helps the parents know how to plan their days.  I, by nature, am a planner and so having Buddy, Sweetpea, and Ladybug on a flexible routine gives me more peace of mind.  The key word in parenting is flexibility and so if adjustments need to be made during the day, they can be easily made to our routine. 
If you are a new parent or expecting a child, check this book out!  As with every parenting book though, take the advice with a grain of salt and do what fits your lifestyle best.  Happy Parenting!

Imitation

I've been observing lately that Sweetpea loves to imitate me.  The other morning as I got ready for the day, I put in my contacts and turned to grab my brush.  As I turned back around, Sweetpea had dipped her fingers into the leftover solution and was rubbing it under her eyes.  I've also found her trying to apply my makeup and she loves to wear my shoes.  Buddy has done a similar thing with Jon and at 18 months insisted he needed "apple-shave" and "do-rant".  I'll see Buddy sit like Jon and try to talk like him too and it makes me smile.

Ephesians 5:1-2 was brought to mind, "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.  And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma."  Just as my children want to imitate their parents, I should be striving to imitate God.  Throwing off qualities that are sinful and pulling on His righteous characteristics should be a daily goal.  Instead of imitating the world around me, I hope to emulate Christ so that my children and the world will see Him through me. 

Joyful Mom

Life as Mom has a great series of posts entitled "To Be More Joyful".  I recently read all the posts and it was a good reminder to work on my joy as a parent.  Often, after putting Buddy and Sweetpea to bed (and they stay there), I breathe a sigh of relief to have 'survived' another day.  I don't want to just survive...I want to enjoy motherhood.  I bookmarked the first page and, over the next month or so, I plan to re-read and focus on areas that need work in my life.  My prayer is that God will help me to recover joy from each day and to zoom in on the good rather than the bad. 
Check out all 14 posts for very practical tips to ramp up your joy as a mother!

Praise of Homeschools

Here is a very interesting article praising homeschooling parents.  If you homeschool or are thinking of homeschooling, I very much recommend reading this as an encouragement to keep up the good work!
In Praise of Homeschools

Marriage: A Holy Union

This past week we traveled to my sister's wedding.  I was so grateful that all went well...traveling with a 34 week pregnant momma and two young children was an adventure for Jon.  It was such a great time of visiting with family since we did not travel at Christmas.  While watching everyone scurry around to prepare for the ceremony and wedding, I had the chance to reflect on marriage and what a unique God-given blessing it is.  One man and one woman brought together and bound with inexplicable bonds of marriage.  Genesis 2:24 says "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
Jon and I don't fit in with today's society of easily dissolved and discarded marriages because we believe that marriage is forever, like the vows say 'until death do we part'.  After five years, we've weathered many ups and downs that could have torn us apart but instead God used to draw us closer together.  My prayer for Sandi and Kyle is that they will allow God to draw them so close that no one and nothing can come in between them and that they will be united as one through their individual pursuit of Christ as the head of their marriage. 

Why?

One of Buddy's favorite questions lately is "Why?" and he asks it about forty million times a day.  To be completely honest, it drives me nuts.  But what bothers me more is my response, the infamous "Because I said so!".  I always promised myself that when I had children, I would explain all their "why?" questions.  Invariably though, frustration sets in and I blurt out the exact response I hated growing up. 
It dawned on me yesterday as I was lamenting to Jon about how I wanted Buddy to mind without questioning me and how I didn't like my responses, that we do the exact same thing to God.  We hear His still small voice telling us to do something and we immediately question, "why?".   Or life brings us a circumstance we don't like and we question. 
"Why do I need to witness to this person?"
"Why am I or a family member facing this illness?"
"Why do I have to learn patience?  Can't you just give it to me?"
"Why can't vegetables taste like chocolate?"
"Why? Why? Why?"
I am so grateful that God has more patience with me than I do with Buddy in this area.  And though sometimes I do think God's answer is "Because I said so!", it is reassuring that He has the best in mind for us.  As I encourage Buddy to obey immediately, I am challenged to do the same thing in my spiritual walk.  Maybe 2012 can be the year of instantaneous spiritual obedience!

Enjoying Life

Today I had a list of errands I wanted to run and things I wanted to accomplish.  Then it began to snow, which for where we live is really awesome!  Instead of staying out running around, Sweetpea, Buddy, and I came home.  During nap time, I was beginning to stress about all the things that need to be done this Christmas season and made list after list. 
I promised Buddy we would play in the snow when he woke up so we all bundled up and went outside.  That's when I started to relax and enjoy that moment!  We ended up having a great rest of the evening as a family.  Jon surprised Buddy and Sweetpea with new fleece blankets and we had hot chocolate stirred with candy canes and s'mores for dessert.  Suddenly, my list of things to accomplish didn't seem so important and I soaked in the smiles and laughter.  Even spilled hot chocolate was okay because everyone was having a good time!  I hope we have lots more time this Christmas season to have moments like this.

Snow!

Hot chocolate and candy canes...yummy!

S'mores

Enjoying every last drop!

It is not as bad as it seems

I took my two lovely children to the grocery store yesterday and things did not go so well.  It all started when I decided to get gas before going inside.  Buddy had a huge meltdown because I pumped gas at the number six pump instead of the number three (his favorite number).  This just set the whiny stage all the way through the store for both he and Sweetpea. 

After getting everything on our list, I arrived at the checkout line fairly flustered.  Sweetpea was trying to climb out of cart while buckled to reach the M&Ms and Cheetos, Buddy was trying to pull away from me to run across the aisle and look at toys, and I just tried to keep them in line.  I really think God gave me an extra measure of grace for them and I was able to reprimand both in a calm voice.  And for the most part, they decided to obey.

A grandmother-y looking woman was in front of us waiting her turn and all I could think to myself was, "She is going to think I am a horrible mom for having such ill-behaved children".  It was almost the woman's turn to check out and she turned to me to give what I thought would be advice on how she would handle my situation.

She completely flabbergasted me when she stated, "You have such well behaved children."  My response was a very surprised, "Really?"  To which she smiled and continued, "They are normal children wanting the yummy treats at the checkout but they obeyed when you said no.  You are a good mom to set boundaries and reinforce obedience and you will have to do this over and over while they grow up."  All I could do was thank her and breathe a little easier as we waited our turn. 

Yes, Buddy and Sweetpea have their whiny moments.  Yes, I get tired of having to set the same boundaries over and over.  Yes, they push hard against the boundaries.  But Yes, I have great children who, for the most part, are obedient. 

I can get so caught up in each little act of defiance or disobedience that I lose sight of the larger picture of the truly amazing gift that it is to be Mommy to Buddy and Sweetpea.  I took time that afternoon to thank God for the woman in the store who reminded me that it is not as bad as it seems.

**Edit:  Sorry this was supposed to be auto-posted yesterday.

Compromise...

When Jon and I were first married, one of my easy go-to dishes was spaghetti until Jon finally confessed that he really did not care for the way I made spaghetti.  He then made spaghetti his way...which I admitted I did not like.  So we quit making spaghetti in our house. 
I've been wanting my spaghetti for about two months but knew that Jon wouldn't enjoy that supper.  It finally dawned on me, why couldn't I cook two sauces?  It would be the best of both worlds!  So for the first time in years, we had a spaghetti dinner where both of us were happy.
It dawned on me as I was eating that this was a simple compromise that we should have made immediately.  Marriage is made up of small compromises, for example, the way to make a bed, the way laundry is folded, and even the way toilet paper is put on the roll.  In the end, the commitment to a life-long marriage is more important than how tightly the sheets are tucked in, whether or not the towels are tri-folded, or beef or italian sausage spaghetti.  I was glad to find a happy compromise for spaghetti and someday Buddy and Sweetpea will get to choose between "Mommy's spaghetti" and "Daddy's spaghetti".  Who knows, maybe they will enjoy both!

"180"

I'm recommending that you watch the documentary "180" without too much description.  It is free to watch and only 33 minutes long.  I know that everyone has taken more time than that for movies and television shows and this is much more important that any network show.  This documentary could literally make you do a 180 in the way that you think about a very volatile issue in our society.  Enough said...go check it out!  www.180movie.com
*"180" does contain graphic images that I believe young children should not view so be sure to pre-screen before watching as a family.

Parents and Teachers

As a former teacher I found the article, What Teachers Really Want to Tell Parents by Ron Clark very interesting.  I dreaded Parent Teacher Conferences because I never knew what to expect from parents and I wish some of the parents of my students had read this article.  So parents of school children, please take the time to read this article by Ron Clark and be reminded of your child's teacher's perspective.

World Vision -- Sponsoring A Child

Today Jon and I leaped into the wonderful world of sponsoring a child!  We have always talked about sponsoring and finally decided we would sponsor a child for each biological child that we have.  Our plan is to sponsor a child that shares our children's birthdays when they turn three years old. 
This afternoon, I sat down at the computer and finally put our plan into action by visiting WorldVision.org .  Buddy now has a brother that shares his birthday all the way over in Zambia.  For $35 dollars a month, World Vision provides our child's family with clean water, healthy food, healthcare, education, and, most importantly, a spiritual foundation.  Our sponsorship package will arrive in about 10 days and I'm looking forward to introducing Buddy and Sweetpea to their new brother. 
If you are interested in learning more about how you can have an impact in a child's life, check out World Vision's website.  There are lots of ways to help make a better world for all children worldwide!