Today, I snapped at Buddy in the library...for reacting like a four year old. The public library is where two of Buddy's favorite things collide: time with his best friend and story time. Is it any wonder he didn't want to leave?
Buddy throwing a minor tantrum at the idea of leaving, set me on edge. Buddy making Sweetpea cry because he is being bossy about leaving, set me further on edge. Then as I am collecting our large stack of newly checked out books, Buddy whining and demanding my attention, my patience snaps.
Immediately the self-recriminating thoughts set in. We head home. Looking back in the rear view mirror to see little hazel green eyes sadly staring out the back seat window made those awful thoughts grow.
"Why can't you be a more patient mom?"
"He is just a four year old...way to show patience by example."
"Didn't you just say to yourself yesterday that you wanted to live Christ's love to your children?"
"You are a failure as mom...again."
Dwelling on these thoughts throughout lunch and nap time, made for a long few hours. Then Buddy woke up from nap, and crawled up next to me. He immediately cuddled in against me and I felt it anew. Grace.
Grace in the knowledge, that for some unknown reason, this four year old loves his mom. Grace in the ability to move on and have a happy rest of the day. So we do, we begin again and go past the point of frustration. And face the afternoon and evening with happy hearts.
Thank you Father God for grace! For Your grace, when I mess up and fail over and over, is infinitely greater than Buddy's grace. Thank you for allowing me to go through life as Mommy with a new sense of Your undeserved gift of grace.