Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bad Mommy Moment

Tonight I had one of those "I'm a bad mommy!" moments.  As we were leaving the store, I had Buddy climb into his car seat by himself while I buckled Sweetpea in hers then I was going to go around and buckle him in.  He's been doing this by himself for quite a while but, I guess, mainly in daylight.  As he climbed in tonight, he noticed that the lights were on above his seat and proceeded to try to touch them.  I saw what was going to happen before it did...he lost his balance and fell head first out of the seat onto the hard pavement.  My first instinct was to run but Sweetpea was only half buckled and I didn't want her to wiggle out too.  I grabbed her and we ran around the car to see Buddy sitting on the ground screaming holding his head.  No blood but I was thinking concussion.  I frantically called Jon, who was still inside the store checking out, and then Buddy calmed down.  We went home, got him some ice, and felt the huge goose egg that was forming.  Thank goodness that we didn't have to go to the E.R. but it sure did give me scare. 

Then the guilt set it.  "If only I had just buckled him in one handed, if only I had made him stand by me while I buckled Sweetpea, if only...if only..."  I felt like the worst mom ever.  The irony is Buddy bounced back a whole lot quicker than I did.  He sat with ice on his head while watching Curious George while I beat myself up mentally.  I know that I'm going to have a lot more of those moments of injuries or things that I feel like I could prevent.  Buddy learned a lesson tonight though and even these moments that scare me are teachable. 

I have to remind myself that I can worry about how I am going to fail or pick myself up, give Buddy a huge hug, and move on to the next day.  I have this mental idea that I could be a perfect mommy so when I fail, it makes me worry and fret for several days.  Philippians 4:6-7 is my go-to verse when I start to fret.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."   Tonight, I am turning over the anxiousness about Buddy falling and my failures and enjoying peace!

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