Thursday, May 5, 2011

Fear and Trust

Today is the first day of Sweetpea's life that she has not had to take a single dose of heart medicine.  Wow...what a statement to think about, my daughter, who is now a beautiful 13 month old is, for the first time, controlling her heart rhythm on her own.  And this thought excites and terrifies me at the same time.  No longer does she have the safety net of propranolol and digoxin to help slow her heart if she sets into an SVT episode but instead we are completely trusting God in that she has outgrown SVT. 
As we've spent the past two weeks weaning Sweetpea from her meds, I've had several moments of fear that she will have another SVT episode.  While our doctors say that we'll recognize when she is in one, I am so scared that I'll miss it and Sweetpea will suffer because of my mistakes.  I even pulled out our stethoscope and have checked her heart myself several times in the past two weeks. 
This is a time of growing for me and a time to fully release my fear and completely trust God with Sweetpea's health.  I cling to Scripture like Psalm 56:3 "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.".  My fear has to be given to my Heavenly Father who will watch over Sweetpea and has to be replaced with trust.  Some of my favorite verses come from Psalm 13:5-6, " But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.".  And one last Scripture, Psalm 31:14 "But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.” "
I think every parent has times where they go through times of fear and these verses can be a reminder to place trust back in the Lord.  Raising children is full of opportunities to either fear or to trust and I hope to learn to trust more often than I surrender to fear.

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